November 1830

Sunday November 7, 1830 Attended prayer meeting this morning. I dont enjoy religion nor Christ now. My love has waxed cold and I am led to commit heinous sins against God's holy law. O that it were with me as it was in months and days that are past when the candle of the Lord shone round about me! Then I could walk according to his precepts with pleasure, but now God is not in all my thoughts. O the sinfulness of sin and the wounds that it causes in the heart where in our sober moments [we] reflect upon our past conduct. I attended meeting but my eyes were wandering about the house more than they were fixed on the preacher. The school house was crowded, but many were laughing and whispering in meeting which looked bad.

Monday November 8, 1830 Mailed a letter for Collins this morning. Fine day today. We are now reviewing the Eunuch.

Tuesday November 9, 1830 Hazy all day and looked very likely for rain. I have begun to bushwhack again. I find it exellent exercise. Reviewing Algebra.

Wednesday November 10, 1830 Fell and hurt my leg among the bushes, makes me very lame. Parker has began unwell in front of the "Junior." Leishman is going home this week. I did not attend Plat[onic] Soc.

Thursday November 11, 1830 I have so little now to write that it is hardly a compensation for keeping a diary but still I think I shall never regret it and therefore I will write on as I have done for 2 or 3 years past. It will serve to bring to my recollection past events and show me what I have been about all my life. I consider it as a ***** valuable (at this moment my nose began to bleed) privilege to keep a diary.

Friday November 12, 1830 Leishman started this morning for home. A Mr. Cogswell preached a lecture this eve in the meeting. I did not attend. I have been reading Silliman's Travels in England, Holland and Scotland which I find very interesting and instructive as well as amusing when one wishes to relax his mind from the tediousness of study.

Saturday November 13, 1830 Our term draws to a close fast now. We rescited in Algebra this morning but not at [length?] because the tutor was unwell. I have been trying to understand the process of finding the common divisor of a fraction in Lacroix but cannotin any way. It is very strange why it is not just as easy to write intell[i]gible language as unintellegeble, for I must confess that Lacroix's is the blindest stuff I ever saw independent of any process of working the examples. I collected some wood today with the boat. Joh. Chaplin delivered an address before the Temperance Soc. this afternoon. I did not hear it but understood it was.

Sunday November l4, 1830 Moderate for the season. Wore a great coat to meeting. Joh. Chaplin preached. Had a good meeting in the eve. The school house was filled to overflowing. Porter took lead. Drew, the Universalist, preached here for the last time at present.

Monday November 15, 1830 Examination is drawing near. It will be next Tuesday. Sent a letter to Father and one to Eldwidge and received one from Dickey. He is at Dunstable and does not expect to come here at present &c. It rains today.

Tuesday November 16, 1830 Rainy all day. I shall not bear a good examination in Algebra: it is impossible to be understood. Lacroix thought when he made his Algebra that everybody else knew as much about it as he so he made it as dark, intricate, and unintellegible as possible.

Wednesday November 17, 1830 Rainy all day. Mr. Parker wanted me to help him dry his wood this forenoon but the rain hindered in the afternoon. His ***** price of work. Speaking today for the last time this term. The postmaster Dr. Chase wants me to come and study in the post office next vacation and tend it. I think I shall. Ingalls had a letter from N. Hampton from Farnum. He and Collins Ayer are coming next term if "nothing happens" to the contrary.

Thursday November 18, 1830 Rainy yet. We have had an abundance of rain for the last month and the weather has been remarkably moderate for the time of the season when we have reason to expect much colder times. The students have nearly finished the workshop which they undertook some time ago. It will be very convenient when done. Mr. Parker's and Sargent's well lies undisturbed during this rainy weather. They think to dig it 10 ft. deep [&] to have it 10 ft. in diameter when the wall is made, which will be of brick. It is dug about half of the intended depth now and consists of a very hard gravel at the top and a stratum of clay beneath that which is also very hard to be dug. Last Tuesday the 16th was the very day on which a year ago in the evening I obtained the peace which there is in believing, if ever. What a memorable day! I shall [have] reason to remember that through all the endless ages of eternity and I hope with pleasure. But oh, I have to lament my coldness, my backsliding from God, in dust and ashes before him. The pleasures of the world and carnal desires are continually passing in my thoughts to the exclusion of all that is good. On that evening I was invited to prayer meeting held at Mr. Perkin's and when I arrived I found that all those present or nearly all were professors, all alive in Gods work and quite happy. There I felt as though that was no place for me and I was a Judas in the minds [of] the disciples of Christ. During the whole evening I was very unhappy when looking at my idleness[?] in the Sight of God. The meeting closed. I went home and retired to bed but could not [sleep?] for I knew not why. I thought the rain tapping against my windows and dropping from the house praised God and I remarked to Mr. Porter, my roommate, to that effect. I wished to see some of [my] fellow students to tell them except [to accept] of the offer of Salvation through Gods dear Son. I should think it was 12 o'clock before I got to sleep. During the next day I felt not so happy as the night before but was filled [with] doubts and fears concerning [my] state. I dont recollect as I once thought I had found the Pearl of Great Price but I often queried in my own mind whether or no I had not. In the evening I went to the village to a meeting and Oh how I did long to see some of my schoolmates come and talk of the joys of redeeming, for during this meeting I think I felt more confirmed concerning hope. After the meeting, which was held in the school house, there was an enquiry meeting in Mr. Evan's and the room was full of anxious enquirers or young converts. I felt quite happy there and wished every one to taste of the waters of life freely. There were Misses Hadley, Hardy, Garland, Swasy and a number of other young ladies who had obtained a hope. After Mr. Porter and I got home, which was quite late, we went to prayer and never before nor since did prayer seem so pleasant. God seemed to [be] close by me and to hear every word I said.

Friday November 19, 1830 The Senior Class was examined today. Ours will take place next Tuesday. I am not much concerned about it only as respects Algebra. I have concluded not to go to the post office this vacation but stay here and study. I think it more profitable to me.

Saturday November 20, 1830 Moderate weather. Juniors were examined today. I have been looking through my Algebra this afternoon and find it very difficult.

Sunday November 21, 1830 Doct. Chaplin preached as usual today on the Sufferings of Christ. In the afternoon the Solemn ordinance of the Lords Supper was administered. Had a good meeting in the evening. House was crowded. We went to Mr. Morrils after meeting and had a chat and sing. Cold night.

Monday November 22, 1830 Very rainy today. Sophomores examined today. Sat up almost all night studying Algebra and Plato.

Tuesday November 23, 1830 Quite moderate today but some windy. We were examined in Greek in the A.M. and Algebra in the P.M. In both we got along very well, I think. About a dozen Literary men were present. Such examinations, I think, are good things because they serve as a stimulus thro' the term to appear well at the Examination. Prof. Conant being absent, we shall be examined in Terence tomorrow if he should return. I read the Eunuch thro' tonight. Feel much relieved to think I have got through with a part of the ex[amination].

Wednesday November 24, 1830 The weather is very moderate now for the season, I think. I have seen no water frozen over yet, a remarkable fact, I think. I have known the rivers in farmer years frozen hard enough to bear an ox by this time of the month. We were examined in Terence this forenoon, then the whole college was dismissed by the President who gave us some very good advice relative to our conduct during vacation &c. Laboured very hard this afternoon in getting some wood from the river to the College. Boutelle and I will room together during vacation. Received a catalogue of New Hampton A and T Institution today from Collins. 270 was the number for the past year. The Female Department will continue through the winter for the future . The gain in number during the past year has been 37.

Thursday November 25, 1830 I sawed wood this forenoon. It has been squal[l]y all day and tonight it begins to snow fast. Quite cold. Most of the students have gone away. Oh how hard for friends to part! How it pains the tender heart to give the parting hand to those whom we dearly love. If on earth these ties so strong, What among the heavenly throng? where Christ, the only source of love, face to face is seen.

Friday November 26, 1830 Awoke this morning and found 2 or 3 in. of snow on the ground, very unexpected surely; it snowed all day or rather snowed and rained. Went to the village and bou[gh]t a bunch of quills. Washed my room this P.M. and "cleared up a little."

Saturdav November 27, 1830 Very pleasant day. Been making my door tight etc. Prof. Conant says he will get some paper for my room soon. I was going to study Greek, Latin and Algebra. I fear I shall not improve my time as I should during vacation and that I shall waste it making plans how to spend it. It is often the case that when one has a little spare time in which he is not obliged to follow his accostomed occupation, he wastes the whole either in making plans how to spend it or by laying out too largely. Therefore it would be well to find as soon as possible what I want to study and pursue that course with diligence. Diligence is everything in study almost, and without it no one can attain to any degree of eminence in his proffession.

Sunday November 28, 1830 A very fine day. Snow thawed very much and made the road mudy. Dr. Chaplin preached about the same text as last Sunday. In the forenoon he cleared up several objections which might be brought against his 2 for[mer?] sermons, and in the P.M. he made an application of his subject. He is a very sound reasoner and supported his assertions with ability and skill. Not so many present as usual on account of the travelling. I was not at meeting this evening but sat in my room and thought and thought upon my evil ways and many backslidings from God. It does one good so to reflect upon his past actions and see what is recorded in heaven against our names. Alas! I fear my conduct is recorded in frightful lines such as I shall not be able to answer for. The Christian's life through this world is long enlistment in the army of God and he that fights manfully to the end and the good fight has a crown laid up in heaven for him. Thus it behoves everyone who has enlisted under the banner of Jesus to be brave and not turn their backs to the foes in flight but to press for work in the holy warfare untill every enemy shall be subdued.